Pissin off Zombies
by SoTotallyOsm
Summary: Keith and Dave find an abandoned cabin, but Keith has to cause trouble wherever they go. Kave  KeithxDave  if you squint really hard, but no real pairing. Post-Apocalypse.


They'd been traveling for quite a while now. The trees overhead were beginning to block most of the sun which was setting, so both men clicked on their flashlights. One man was taller than the other; he had green eyes, messy red hair, and a small goatee of the same color. He wore torn blue jeans with a red logo'd shirt, a red cap, bandages on most of his upper body, a black wrist band on his left wrist, and he carried a tactical shotgun with a machete as his secondary weapon along with a molotov. The other smaller male had black hair which swept across his eyebrows, brown eyes, and wore a green cap, green logo'd shirt, and a dirty mechanic jumpsuit over it all. He carried a pipe bomb, a bottle of pills, an M16, and wielded double pistols for his secondary weapons.

The younger, Dave, spoke up first. "Hey, we really need to settle for the night. I dunno how much further we can go with just our flashlights."

Keith glanced over to him, holding his flashlight in one hand while he cut away foliage with his machete in the other. "Yeah, well.. Ah dun see no house or nothin' out here. Do you?"

Dave sighed and shook his head. The continued onward for another two miles through the increasing darkness of the woods, the trees beginning to thin out as they wandered into a small open area. The area was loitered with a few zombies, but they were only there because someone had made a fort from a small cabin found in the clearing. The house was two stories, made of large wooden logs, and had about five or six windows total. The front had a small porch with an overhang, the outside of the porch covered in torn mesh wire-probably used to keep out mosquitoes and other critters before the apocalypse. The thing they noticed second was that there was a good ten foot high fence that surrounded the cabin, topped with spiraling barbed wired. It seemed efficient enough, as the only zombies they saw were outside of the fence.

The two glanced at each other before nodding, Keith going to hack the few zombies which spotted them once they wandered closer. Dave held his pistols defensively, but did not use them. He didn't want to alert more zombies to the area with gunfire, and Keith seemed to be handling himself pretty well either way.

Once the area was clear, the searched around until they found the lock on the fence. It wasn't a key lock, but one that was 'U' shaped and required lifting and lowering to open the fence. They thought this was a dumb idea, but then again... zombies aren't smart enough to pull open a latch.

"I can't believe we found a house out here. And fortified, too!" Dave entered the cabin, looking around. He made a face at the dust he disturbed. It seemed that despite being well guarded, the house was empty. Perhaps they had run out of supplies? The younger man went to check the kitchen as Keith closed the door.

"Well Ah'll be. Bet'cha we can get a good night's sleep outta this baby." Of course, the redhead's only concern was finding some dead body in the master bedroom and not being able to sleep in a comfy bed. Oh how awkward it would be to sleep next to a dead guy. Or lady, for that matter. It'd be the only lady he'd slept with since this all started~. He didn't stay long enough to hear Dave's conclusion on the food supply, heading upstairs to the bedroom and opening the door. Thank God, but there was not a dead body in the bed. Quickly, he went and hopped onto the bed. Dust flew from the comforter, causing him to go into a coughing fit and fan the air with his machete.

Dave was running up the stairs and in the bedroom in no time, pistols at the ready and stance with his feet spread and planted firmly on the ground. " ... " He relaxed, dropping his weapons and sighing. "Ya idiot. You sounded like a damn Smoker from down stairs. Anyway.. There's runnin' water and some canned food in the kitchen if you wanna get something." His accent wasn't as heavy as Keith's, being from the north originally.

"Nah, Ah'm good. Got mah canteen still." The redhead took his machete and knocked over a lamp on the bedside table, the hard plastic thudding the floor but not breaking. He set his shotgun on the table as well as his blade and canteen he carried on his belt. He stood up and walked over to his best buddy-there was Ellis, too, but it was best not to think of what might've happened to him-and slung an arm around his shoulder. "How 'bout ya cook us somethin'? Yer good at that kinda stuff..." Joking, of course! Still, he got a smack on the head from the younger as he wormed his way out of the redhead's grip. Keith gave a mock pout.

"You deserved it. Stop that." Brown eyes eyed him skeptically, wondering if the other was actually hurt. He highly doubted it, but still he grabbed the taller man's hand and led him down the stairs. "Come help me. Ya got nothing better to do."

Outside had become blanketed in nightfall, any zombies which were still lingering around having moved on or stopped their aimless walking to sit on the ground. One was leaning against the fence, puking out the remnants of its innards. Since the infection didn't raise the dead, the zombies were all technically 'human beings' who were sick. Whenever they ate human flesh the stomach could digest it, but usually did not agree very well after sitting for a few hours. Thus, a good bit of zombies usually puked up their 'food' a few hours after they ate. Half of the time, survivors were found beaten to death rather than eaten.

While Dave worked on trying to get the stove to work, Keith set a few cans of peaches and soup on the counter. Taking the time while Dave was distracted, he escaped back upstairs. Without really thinking, he slid open the window from the bedroom and began to climb onto the roof. It took him a few minutes, his legs having no leverage to hoist him up, but once he got up there he was satisfied.

The night sky was clear and the stars were shining brightly. If he looked hard enough, he could see constellations. ... Not that he really knew any of them, but he could recognize the patterns. A low groan caught his attention. Probably a zombie by the fence. Keith got up and moved closer to the edge of the roof, the fence being pretty close to the house on this side. He saw a zombie sitting down in front of the fence, probably having made the noise when it sat down. An idea popped into the redhead's mind.

He looked around for any other zombies, but they were mostly by the trees and not even on this side of the cabin. The redhead grinned and chuckled to himself quietly. Biting his lip, he reached down to unzip his pants and pull down his red boxers. Giving a low whistle-which caused the zombie to snap its head up toward him-he relieved himself by pissing straight on the zombie's head. Of course the zombie wasn't very happy about being pissed on, it getting up and trying to climb the fence to get to him. Keith, on the other hand, had finished and had pulled his pants back up. He quickly retreated back through the window he came in, calling for Dave.

"Dave, Daaaave~. We gots a zombie climbin' the feeeence!" He heard the younger scramble to get his things and run up the stairs. Once he arrived, Keith pointed out the window to the zombie who was trying to climb over the barbed wire. It was stuck at the moment, but they both knew it wouldn't care if it got scratched up in getting over. Dave took his pistols and gave a few shots at it, watching it fall limp and just hang on the fence. Giving the redhead a quizzical look, he put his pistols in his back pockets.

"And why was there a zombie after you?" He placed his hands on his waist in a feminine manner which Keith would not comment on this time.

"Well, I dunno. Maybe it saw me gettin' undressed and wanted some o' my hot bo- Ow, ow, stoppit!" He raised his hands to protect his head from being hit by the younger man. He was only kidding!

"I know the zombies are after your body, but I doubt it's 'cause you're sexy." Dave rolled his eyes, grumbling under his breath. "What really happened?"

"Nothin'."

"... I doubt it was just nothing."

"Ah uh.. took a leak?" A sheepish grin.

"Out the window..?"

"Ah was on the roof."

"... I doubt he'd just see you taking a leak."

"Le's just say... Ah did /not/ take a leak on a zombie's head."

"You... My God, you're an idiot." Dave face palmed. Of course it was some stupid reason. "And what if a Hunter or a Smoker saw ya up there? I couldn't reach ya in time! And you didn't even take a weapon out with you? Are you crazy? Wait, don't answer that." He sighed. "Food's ready."

Keith just grinned at him and rubbed the back of his neck. "At least Ah didn't fall from the roof or nothin'..."

"Yes. Thank God for that."

"So... Ah'm sexy, huh~?" Dave shot him a glare at the comment, telling him he didn't have to feed him or let him sleep in the master bedroom. Keith held his hands up in defense, apologizing with a stupid grin. Of course he didn't...

* * *

><p>AN: Been forever since I've written anything, I know. R&amp;R please~. I'm trying to write some more Keith, Ellis, and Dave related stories for you guys.<p> 


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